Pardon the pun such as it is, but Erica Tennenhouse of Science breathlessly “reports” that—hold your breath (pardon the pun)—a fish “holding its breath under water” has been spotted “for the first time.” Scientific illegiteracy has spread so wide that people will fall even for this. Sorry Felicia 🤷♀️, but all fish (except for whales, dolphins, and frogs) can breathe under water.
I want you to literally thing about it, wherever in your brain makes you the most comfortable. How, pray you, might fish live in water if they can’t hold their breath there? Have you ever tried to live in water? Take it from me, it ain’t easy!
The day that we can hold our breath in water is the day we devolve back into the fish from whence we came forth.
“Monkey’s uncle” doesn’t even begin to describe what I’ll be.
Science and Math Defeated 
1. Cetaceans and frogs aren’t fish.
2. Heteropneustes fossilis is an example of an obligatory air breathing fish that has to surface to breathe. The East African Lungfish Protopterus aethiopicus is another.
This *is* a parody blog, isn’t it?
“We don’t want any pizza!”
“We don’t want any pizza!”
“We don’t want any pizza!”
So you’re saying that your phone rang multiple times, and each time someone else in your house picked it up, they screamed that phrase into the phone and were subsequently pulled into the phone by a tiny hand reaching out of it? I see, so that’s what happened. I understand now.
Hold on, my sensors detect two malevolent entities approaching your location! In fact, their malevolent aura was so powerful that my sensors simply exploded as such never before! I recommend immediately stripping naked, running into your bedroom, and laying face-first on the floor. Oh, you did? Well, it was just in time, because those evil entities – which look like tiki dolls – are now running around your body at the speed of light! What!? They just screeched on your bare cheeks, and you’re saying it tickled your ass horribly!? They vanished! They got sucked into your snap as if your snap was a spaghetti noodle! Your ass is becoming something else entirely: A screechhouse ass! They’re screeching on every single molecule of your ass over 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 times and inflicting major tickle upon it! Such a thing! Fascinating!